Confession

I have a confession.

Sometimes I hate being on Weight Watchers.  I don't hate Weight Watchers itself, I think it's a great program.  But I hate that I have to track every bite that goes into my mouth.  That I can't just enjoy working out without wondering how many calories I'm burning.  That I can't just eat when I'm hungry and workout when I feel like it.  I hate that I give the scale so much power.

But when I do that, I gain weight.  And while I can ignore the weight gain for a few weeks, eventually, my pants stop fitting, I stop feeling good, I get tired and sluggish.

The thing is, I don't mind it as much when it works.  But then I have a week like this one.  I gained 3 pounds last week.  This week I was on it.  I tracked EVERYTHING.  I worked out 5 times, including running a freaking 5k.  And I lost a whopping .6 pound.

I thought I had a plan.  I had been mentally composing this post for a couple days about how awesome my plan was.  Then I stepped on the scale this morning and just felt defeated.  I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds since November.

I know, I know, a loss is a loss.  And like my leader pointed out, at least I'm still coming to meetings.  But those feel like consolation prizes.  That's not what I want.  I want to lose weight.  I want the amount of effort I put into this thing to show up on the scale.  I don't want to turn down food I love, take time out of my day to exercise, and take the time to track my entire life just to maintain for the next 4 months in the 210s.

I just don't get it.  I don't want to brag, but I feel like I've been pretty successful in life.  I'm well educated, I have a good job, I'm financially secure, I have a great marriage, but I just can't lose weight.  How can I do all those other things, but I can't control the food I put in my mouth?  I can't get my butt off the couch to go for a run?

I try really hard to stay positive on this blog.  I honestly believe that we create our own mood, if I tell myself that I will be happy, that's part of making me happy.  So I don't want this post to be a downer.  But I don't want to be dishonest, and I just can't make myself happy about my weigh in this morning.

But because I still hate to end on a sour note, here's a clip of a cat on a roomba.  This has nothing to do with my post, but it always makes me laugh.