I have a confession.
Sometimes I hate being on Weight Watchers. I don't hate Weight Watchers itself, I think it's a great program. But I hate that I have to track every bite that goes into my mouth. That I can't just enjoy working out without wondering how many calories I'm burning. That I can't just eat when I'm hungry and workout when I feel like it. I hate that I give the scale so much power.
But when I do that, I gain weight. And while I can ignore the weight gain for a few weeks, eventually, my pants stop fitting, I stop feeling good, I get tired and sluggish.
The thing is, I don't mind it as much when it works. But then I have a week like this one. I gained 3 pounds last week. This week I was on it. I tracked EVERYTHING. I worked out 5 times, including running a freaking 5k. And I lost a whopping .6 pound.
I thought I had a plan. I had been mentally composing this post for a couple days about how awesome my plan was. Then I stepped on the scale this morning and just felt defeated. I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds since November.
I know, I know, a loss is a loss. And like my leader pointed out, at least I'm still coming to meetings. But those feel like consolation prizes. That's not what I want. I want to lose weight. I want the amount of effort I put into this thing to show up on the scale. I don't want to turn down food I love, take time out of my day to exercise, and take the time to track my entire life just to maintain for the next 4 months in the 210s.
I just don't get it. I don't want to brag, but I feel like I've been pretty successful in life. I'm well educated, I have a good job, I'm financially secure, I have a great marriage, but I just can't lose weight. How can I do all those other things, but I can't control the food I put in my mouth? I can't get my butt off the couch to go for a run?
I try really hard to stay positive on this blog. I honestly believe that we create our own mood, if I tell myself that I will be happy, that's part of making me happy. So I don't want this post to be a downer. But I don't want to be dishonest, and I just can't make myself happy about my weigh in this morning.
But because I still hate to end on a sour note, here's a clip of a cat on a roomba. This has nothing to do with my post, but it always makes me laugh.